Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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