I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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