If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
