Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
