After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
