Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
