We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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