The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
