Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
