who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
