Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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