You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
