My room smells like vodka and shame
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
