I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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