I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
