The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
