kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
