to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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