A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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