"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
