Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
