Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
