He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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