Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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