The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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