I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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