whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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