You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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