I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
