Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
