Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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