Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
