I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
