You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
