I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
