you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
