I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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