i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
