Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
