i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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