maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
