there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
