She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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