Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
