You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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