went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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