not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
