PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
