How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
