I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
