So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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