oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
