She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
