absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
