I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
