one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
