Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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