Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
