she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
