Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
