I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
