Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
