If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
