I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
