weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
