is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
