When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
