Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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