He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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