I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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